Why Spouses May Neglect to Understand Each Other By seeking to understand your partner's viewpoint before expecting to have yours understood, you will reap the reward of a happier marriage. The recognition of differences need not be a source of frustration. But no two people are made from the same mold.
Here is a clue to unraveling the mystery of peace in the home: Accept the fact that no matter how wonderful your beloved spouse is, your every wish is not his/her command, and vice versa.Įspecially in the early years of marriage, partners may fail to give each other credit for being unique individuals. Logos - the logic and reasoning of your argument. The sequencing of these elements is paramount to successful presentations. Establishing credibility and ensuring you are in alignment with the needs of others prior to presenting the solution is guaranteed to increase your closing and retention ratios.A common source of discord between a husband and wife is the expectation that one spouse will gladly go along with the other's desires, including unspoken ones. Pathos - your emotional alignment, and 3. These two habits combined form the foundation of many great sales careers - great salespeople sell solutions to needs and problems.Īfter you have taken the time to truly understand the other person's perspective, it's your turn to be understood. From Greek philosopher Aristotle comes the 3 modes of persuasion: 1. I think Habits 4 and 5 should be reversed (Covey even admits this himself) - you can't know what constitutes a win for the other person without first truly understanding them. Only once your empathetic listening has generated sufficient balance in their "emotional bank account" should you attempt to influence or problem solve. The paradox of empathetic listening is that you also have to open up, making you vulnerable and influenceable - "in order to have influence, you have to be influenced". Habits 1, 2, and 3 give you the strength to navigate these encounters with peace and purpose. To truly understand others, we must listen emphatically with sincere desire. You must not simply apply the technique of active listening, which is likely to come across as manipulative and shallow. Empathetic listening builds trust and your balance in their "Emotional Bank Account" - a concept Covey uses to convey the strength of a relationship. It's important to recognize that nothing constitutes a "deposit" unless the recipient perceives it as such - it needs to matter to them! Many of us have a tendency to give our opinions before truly understanding the problem. We want to swoop in and save the day. Admittedly, albeit with good intention, I've been guilty of this tactical error before. Also common is our tendency to project ourselves onto others when listening and replying. Information is often lost when listening through your unique filter.
Seek to understand how to#
Covey proclaims this is the most important principle of effective interpersonal communication. Indeed, Dale Carnegie posited "If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own" in How to Win Friends and Influence Them.
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